dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
