But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
