alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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