If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
