I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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