So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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