I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
