Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
