Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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