Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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