I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
