There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
