did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
