He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
