I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
