now i know why i became what i already was.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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