apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
