Kiss
Puke
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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