I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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