So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
