Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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