sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
