do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
