if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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