Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
