i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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