Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
