You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
