Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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