He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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