wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
