He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
