Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
