Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
