I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had to cum in my sink.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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