The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
