i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
