i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
