Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
