i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
