I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
