If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
