There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am available for nakedness
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
