I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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