this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
