We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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