dude i'm inner monologue high
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
