grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am available for nakedness
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
