I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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