I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I look better un-naked...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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