why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
