I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
