Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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