im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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