her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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