I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
