I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
