Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The Olympian is in my bed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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