oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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