I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
