yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
