Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
