Sry I called you an 8
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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