What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
