Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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