Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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