I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
