New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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