My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
