there's paper in my vomit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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