32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
