At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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