We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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